Pride (Not in the name of Love)

Throwing that title out for my friend Rick. U2 fans should get that one.

This morning I was spending some time reading and praying and I discovered something about myself that I knew, but didn't really grasp the depth of it. I did not like what I found. I am a prideful person. Perhaps most of us could say that, but I am a prideful person. I never realized how deep it goes, either. I'm reading John Burke's (No Perfect People Allowed) newest book "Soul Revolution" and was very convicted. Throughout the book he invites readers to take the 60-60 challenge. This is to spend 60 minutes a day with God for 60 days. In the first chapter he asks a couple of questions, "What do I really desire?" and "How will I really get it?" As I sat and thought about my answers, I didn't like the response I got from myself. I want really selfish things. I want people to like me. I want to be thought of as intelligent. I want to be thought of as cultured. I want people to come to me for advice. I want money. I want nice things. I am very ashamed as I write this right now. The other thing is (this hurts) I thought I was above all those desires.

It's a painful thing to realize how deep you are into this stuff. I only hope that I can allow myself to be rescued. In my spirit, I don't want to be like this. Deep inside there's a longing for me to let go of these desires and completely trust in the Father. I want to experience him in a very real way every day. I want to know him more.

I pray you'll all forgive me. This is one of the most painful things I've ever written. I would welcome your prayers.