A Change is Gonna Come

You know that place between something old and something new? That place where you can sense a change is coming, but you don't know what or when it is? That's where I am right now. It seems to me that change is coming, but I don't know what it will be or when it will arrive. It's one of these things that you wish would go ahead and happen. Even if it's difficult and painful, at least it would be here and I could get on with my life. I know there's a lesson in the waiting and surely there's some wisdom to be gleaned from being patient, but come on already. I know that life is a journey and not just random events placed at random places, but it sure can get frustrating in the mean time.

In a rather humerous coincidence this reminds me of National Lampoon's Vacation. In what is obviously a spoof on family vacations during the height of family vacationing, Chevy Chase determines to take his family to Wally World in California. His family lives in Chicago. Instead of flying, which is obviously what one would do if one was a successful food-additive exec, he decides to drive. What ensues is a comedy of errors as the family encounters set-back after set-back on their journey.

Why do these two things coincide? I'm not entirely sure, but there's got to be something in there about the journey being fun. In my own life I've not been so concerned with the journey as the destination. I always want to just get there so I can partake in all the destination has to offer me. Then it's get back home as quickly as possible. My parents and now my wife are always gracious with me, but I think they would have appreciated it more if I had enjoyed the journey a little bit. I can think of one instance when my wife and I had not been married for even a year. We had gone skiing and were driving home. We left Denver, CO at probably 9:00am, not rushing out the door. We had predetermined to stop somewhere around Wichita Falls, TX to spend the night. When we arrived at Wichita Falls, it was only 6:30pm or so. After stopping for supper and not feeling too tired, we decided to push on to Ft. Worth. We would get a room there. When we got to Ft. Worth, it was probably 10:00 or so. and me in my wisdom and hurry to get home (also secretly not wanting to buy another hotel room) I decided that since we were so close, we might as well go on home. Being on the far west side of Ft. Worth and driving all the way to Marshall, we arrived home between 1:30 or 2:00am. Amanda didn't talk to me much the next day, probably because we both were too tired to say anything.

The point being, and answering my own angst, perhaps I should just shut up already. It sure would be nice if the change revealed itself to me, though.

No Perfect People Allowed

I'm reading a book by this title written by John Burke, a pastor in Austin, TX.  I am convicted by my lack of authenticity and transparency with those around me.  I  constantly hold back for fear that people won't like me or worse still, think that I am not as good as they used to think I was.

I fall prey to the lie that I am a good person.  I fall prey to the menace that is Pharisaism.  I fall prey to my own pride, that I don't want to admit I am not as good as I want everyone to think. This book has changed the way I perceive relationships.  It's been a long time coming, but it seems I've found something that puts into words what I've been trying to articulate to myself for a while.  It's also nice to have some confirmation of my own beliefs by someone I have never spoken with once.

I desire to live in a real community with other believers.  In a narrative that often reads like a setting for a support group, Pastor Burke has written about whole-ness that has come through honesty and openness between people.  Perhaps this is what a church is supposed to be, a support group for broken, searching people.  Becoming whole together, while each on our own journey.  Through an atmosphere of love and acceptance, we see people open up to the gospel like they never would have if confronted with the poise and eloquence of a televangelist.

I thank God that I can still learn.  I wish these concepts had been made clear to me 15 years ago. I wish I didn't have to struggle to find the truth.  I pray that I become the man God wants me to be.  I am becoming more and more haunted by the phrase the Apostle Paul writes to the church in Corinth, "I have become all things to all people that by all means I may save some."  I am afraid I am not all things to all people.  I can hear the longing in the heart of Paul that none would perish without knowing the love of God.  More and more this is what I desire for myself.